We all have our own “automatic break up signs” or “absolute no’s” when it comes to terminating a relationship; a cheating partner, for instance, being one of the most common. But ending a relationship with somebody you love can be extremely difficult, no matter the scenario. It’s not only the big issues that become problematic in a relationship, the little stuff adds up as well. If you’re experiencing the following signs in your relationship, it might be time to say goodbye for good.
One of you holds grudges.
Forgiveness is a vital part of every relationship. It’s important to recognize that our partners, like ourselves, are only human. They’ll make mistakes, but it’s up to you to decide what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re not. If you can’t get over a particular instance, you’re likely to hold it (consciously or subconsciously), against your partner. If you’re unable to leave the past in the past, it may be best to leave the relationship.
You keep having the same fight.
Conflict is a normal, and yes, even healthy, part of romantic relationships. Dealing with conflict, however, differs from couple to couple. Relationships, where partners can manage conflict effectively, will naturally have a higher success rate. While the manner in which we generally handle conflict is important, so is the topic of the conflict.
If you are unable to come up with a resolution to a conflict that keeps resurfacing, this is clearly something that you are unable to find common ground on. The fact that you keep engaging ineffectively proves that this is an important topic for you. Such core topics are those that need productive resolution or agreement.
You no longer view each other as equals.
If you or your partner starts exhibiting feelings of contempt towards one another, your healthy relationship has already ended. If your partner thinks they are better than you, smarter than you, more attractive than you (and vice versa), you’re crossing into a very dangerous territory. When you and your partner don’t view one another as equals, it means you have lost respect for them. And if you can’t respect your partner, there is no way you can love or continue to grow in a relationship with them.
You crave time apart.
Of course, it’s natural to want alone time, girl time, guy time, or just some amount of time spent without your partner. Codependent relationships are extremely unhealthy, but so are relationships where you’re starting to get sick of your partner. If you’re trying to avoid them or no longer want to spend time with them, chances are it’s only going to get worse. It may be wise to end your relationship if you’ve begun craving time alone or with someone else. You don’t want to get to the point where you think you’re a better person without your partner and start to grow resentful because of it.
You’re too different.
“Opposites attract” is often true statement…but only to a certain extent. If you’re introverted, it might be nice to find a partner who’s extroverted. If you’re high strung, it might be nice to find a partner who’s more laid back. It’s important that our partners help balance us out. But if you’re too different, it will backfire.
People who have completely different hobbies, beliefs, values, etc. are not a good fit for one another. You want to be different from your partner, but not so different that you can’t find common ground.
Breakups are never easy, but they are certainly better than sticking it out through an unhealthy or perpetually unsatisfying relationship. Finding the strength to terminate a relationship can be tough, so it’s crucial to keep in mind your own relationship goals. Working with a therapist may be an optimal way to shore up the support communication tools you need to exit the relationship with as much positivity as possible.
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